Here we look in detail at each of the three elements of I We U.
I is a simple statement of intent or purpose – typically a short sentence e.g.:
“I thought it would be useful to talk about ...”
“I wanted to talk to you to discuss ...”
“I’m writing to ask if you’d be interested in meeting to discuss ...”
“I was thinking there might be value in us catching up and having a discussion about ...”
“We haven’t had the opportunity to talk since ..., and I thought it timely for us to catch up again.
The We element of the construct is longer than the I - and outlines how the conversation might flow. Often it has two parts: the first suggesting a process; the second asking for feedback and maybe checking the time allocation.
In the first part, e.g.:
“One way that we could use the next hour is for you to start by outlining ... and then I could share how we’ve seen others address this question.”
“We are seeing a lot of change right now, and I thought that sharing these insights would make a good starting point. I’d also be really interested to hear your thoughts on where the industry is going.”
“I was thinking that if you could tell me your key priorities, I can then share with you anything that we’ve seen or done that might be useful to you.”
Notice that the We includes a specific request for the other person to participate - signaling that this will be a two-way conversation, where control and ownership of any agenda is shared. Indeed, ideally, you’d aim to have the other party speak first (to start their involvement early).
What you do not want to do with the We part of I We U is to set out your agenda and ask the other party to agree e.g.:
“I could start by describing what we do and you can tell me if it is of any interest. Is that OK?”
To some people, this may appear to be the right way to proceed. After all, it is short and to the point. You’ll very quickly find out if the other person is interested or not. It can also be appealing because it allows you to stay in control of the agenda – and to talk about yourself (something that is easy to do). The problem is that it is a blatantly self-focused suggestion and this will be detected by the other party.
The U is the most important component as it answers the most important question in the other person's mind: "What will I get from this conversation?" or more generally "What is in it for me?".
Shared knowledge, insights and useful contacts are the most commonly expressed – and achievable results.
For example:
"My aim is to share with you what other organizations are doing in this field."
"I'd be disappointed if I wasn't able to share some insights and also point you towards people who could help."
"So when you finish, you should have all the information you need to make the best decision for both you and the business."
"As a result of our discussion, you feel more confident about the next steps."
U may also be asked as a question, though the impact is reduced. For example:
“What are you hoping to get out of this conversation?”
“What would make this a good use of your time?”
“What do I need to do so that you view this as time well spent?”
When constructing an I We U frame, think first of the U, then mentally circle back and add the I and We before delivering in the sequence I then We then U. Experience suggests this works best.
Can you change the sequence? Yes, though the impact may be lessened.
Can you leave any parts out? Yes, sometimes the purpose is known or the process to be followed is well-trodden and need not be repeated. The element you should always aim for is U. This is the element that most concerns the other party (albeit that their concern is unspoken) and addressing this concern has the greatest impact.
Also, it is the element of I We U that few people do naturally. Because less confident people fear their ability to deliver on any kind of promise to deliver insight, they shy away from making the promise. That leaves the field open for those who master I We U to demonstrate their difference.
Three things to look/listen for in I We U statements:
Does it sound like we’re there to help or there to sell (or push our ideas)?
Is the focus more on the buyer or more on us?
Does our opening sound informal or formal?
So, look at the U statement below:
“By the end of the meeting I’d hope that we have a good understanding of your priorities and that we’re focusing on the most important areas.”
What is wrong with this statement? It uses positive language e.g. ‘good’; it is focused on the other person’s priorities too, but who gets the benefit? Is it the seller, armed with a good understanding and able to focus on the most important area, or the other party?
Count the number of occurrences of ‘I/We’ versus ‘You’. 3-1. It is too focused on the speaker.
Let’s try again:
“By the end of the conversation, I hope that you’re confident that the actions agreed will deliver the improved profit margin.”
Hmmm.1-1. “I hope”, “you’re confident”. Actions are agreed – that’s good.But whose profit margin improves? Is it crystal clear?
One more re-think:
“By the end of the conversation, you should be confident that the actions agreed will deliver you improved profit margin.”
No ‘I’ or “we”, only ‘you’. Twice. “You should” might be interpreted as too assertive, but who gets the improved profit margin is clear.
I WE U’s are not easy. If they were, everyone would be using them and there wouldn’t be so much scope to differentiate your approach!